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mood: [Oct. 20th, 2007|03:46 pm]
angsty, ugly, and not in the mood to party it up. oh well.

i really want a lachrymatory. 
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oh and- [Oct. 16th, 2007|10:29 pm]
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well [Oct. 16th, 2007|10:27 pm]
 today was interesting!

girl drama is so freaking funny. soooooooo glad i don't have the patience to deal with that shit.
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pointless? [Oct. 1st, 2007|05:55 pm]
 so...even with the ridiculous amount of schoolwork...life is good.
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(no subject) [Sep. 30th, 2007|11:30 pm]

blackbird=new favorite song.

that's all.
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new attitude. [Sep. 27th, 2007|09:51 pm]
homework? fuck it.
j? fuck it. both of them. not literally, though. as much fun as that would be...;)
caring? FUCK IT.



i wanna learn guitarrrrrrrrrrrr but i keep forgetting to nag at my mother. and i have sooo many forms to fill out for NHS and MOTL and blahblahblah. 

so. i'll probably blog more later as the evening progresses. bye.
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(no subject) [Sep. 26th, 2007|10:22 pm]
 homework is STUPID
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sad [Sep. 16th, 2007|09:22 pm]

a phone call would be really nice right now.
the CSNY thing below helped.
but uhhhh
now i'm sick
and stressed
and i want...!

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james frey... [Sep. 10th, 2007|08:28 pm]
i hate hate hate josh.
at the moment.
because obviously i'm not over it and i know he's got something going on with the pretty blonde girl on guard and apparently there are all these rumors going around about me and jesse.
i hate school, i hate this town...

"Burn it down
Until the embers smoke on the ground
And start new when your heart is an empty room
With walls of the deepest blue

Home's face, how it ages when you're away
The spring blooms
Then you find the love that's true
But you don't know what now to do
Because the chase is all you know
And she stopped running months ago

And all you see
Is where else you could be
When you're at home
And out on the street
Are so many possibilities
To not be alone

Flames and smoke
Climbed out of every window
And disappeared
With everything that you held dear
But you shed not a single tear
For the things that you didn't need
Because you knew you were finally free

And all you see
Is where else you could be
When you're at home
And out on the street
Are so many possibilities
To not be alone

And all you see
Is where else you could be
When you're at home
And out on the street
Are so many possibilities
To not be alone

And there on the street
Are so many possibilities
To not be alone "

only song that sort of describes this...
but not even close.
i just want to like...go to sleep. just sleep.
except i had that dream last night...where i ran into josh and adam in a store and josh was all "oh i'm so over you" but obviously not like that because he would sound REALLY gay.

  ok so next chance i get, i'm going to get this book.

"I cry.
In the shower.
As I brush my teeth.
As I get dressed.
I've never experienced anything like this, nothing else comes close. Grief, sorrow, sadness, pain pain pain. A hole in my chest that cannot be filled. A wound that is leaking. A break that I can't repair, I'm broken and can't repair myself and there's nothing I can do.
I cry as I get dressed.
I cry."

-My Friend Leonard, James Frey.

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finally. [Sep. 3rd, 2007|12:00 am]

"Each time we dream of "tornadoes", these ancient, collective layers of symbolic association reveal themselves anew. Each "dream tornado" is, at some level, a harbinger of change, in the psyche as well as the waking world. Although only the dreamer can say for sure what his or her dream images mean, dream "tornadoes" are compelling metaphors of the individual and collective social change that we "feel", (that we know in our secret heart of hearts), is necessary , and is coming. We intuit, as dreamers, that ultimately the "power of this impending storm" is not just a consequence of incomplete human consciousness and planning failure alone. The forces of change are also "forces of nature" - "divine forces", like nature herself. The dream "tornado", over and over again, turns out to be symbol of the dreamer's own personal relationship to the deepest unasked and unanswered psycho-spiritual questions is his/her life, and these issues always have transpersonal implications as well."

FINALLY. a logical explanation.
its so strange. i've never seen a tornado...always been fascinated by them...and i dream about them a LOT.


blah. tried talking to j today. i called but he didn't pick up...THANK GOD
i don't really know what i'd say. i know what i WANT to say, but i tend to chicken out over the phone :P
i should really be writing AP essays.
i hate writing.
there's so much i want to talk about on livejournal, only i can't because i don't know who's reading it, and i don't have the luxury of privacy in my room so i can't write in a real journal. someone would find it.
oh welllllllllllll
i'm excited about learning guitar! i can't wait to get mine fixed so i can play the two chords i know. HA.
i had the BEST voice lesson last week. i sang "sebben crudele" pretty well (i just have to add in dynamics and stuff) and i think i'm gonna do 'the daisies' for s&e...crazy hard...i don't know if i'll be able to do it right =/
i really want to write an anonymous people thing...i think i'd be too harsh...and i have to write.

i wish the whole josh thing never started in the first place. that's bad though, right? there's that overused dr. seuss cliche ("don't cry because it's over. smile because it happened.") but EHHHHHHH it's not easy.
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